


Sunset

by Minuete



Series: His and Her Angst [29]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Author's headcanon, Episode: s04e02 Home, Episode: s05e04 Detour, F/M, In-between episodes, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s06e10 Tithonus, pre-episode: s06e11 Two Fathers, references to Cancer Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 11:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18603343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minuete/pseuds/Minuete
Summary: The time Fowley interrupted one of Moose & Squirrel's drive with a phone call.





	Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> Mulder's phone call regarding autoerotic asphyxiation is in my one-shot light angst "Death Predictions".

Repentance.  This was the only word that I could conjure up that best described how I felt for not being by Scully’s side when she was shot by that damn FBI rookie.  I carried this guilt and did my best to redeem myself in the bullpen as her partner.  No hare-brained monster-seeking excursions, no half-truth leads to chase down while she was on medical leave.  It had been merely 10 weeks since Scully was shot, only 2 weeks since she was cleared for desk duty, 1 week where the doctor cleared her to take short road trips on-assignment.  We were all pleasantly surprised by her speedy recovery: the doctors, Mrs. Scully, and me; however, Scully didn’t seem to be enthusiastic about it.  

She seemed lost in thought as I looked over at her when we finally hit a long stretch of highway unencumbered once the morning traffic subsided en route to a small farm situated in Frostburg, Maryland.  Usually, I didn’t mind the silence during our car rides, but lately, the silence felt taut, heavy with—I don’t know what exactly.  I reached for the bag of sunflower seeds I’d placed in the middle console with the intention of tearing the bag one-handed with the aid of my teeth, but Scully beat me to it.  My hand brushed against hers as she pulled the bag away to tear an opening.  Shaking the bag in her left hand, she gestured for me to palm my right to receive a handful of sunflower seeds.

“A seed for your thoughts, Scully,” I said as I placed a couple of seeds in my mouth to crack.  She glanced quickly at me, then looked straight ahead.  

“Do you remember Clyde Bruckman?” she asked quietly, still deep in thought.

I snorted.  “I recall freaking out over the phone with you about dying from autoerotic asphyxiation.”

She let out a huff, which was her way of chuckling with or at me.  “You’re not going to die from autoerotic asphyxiation, Mulder, any more than me…”  she trailed off unable to finish.  I looked over at her confused.  Was this what was bothering her these past few weeks?  Didn’t we have this discussion in the hospital about searching for death? Seeking life?

“Living forever? Being immortal?” I finished the sentence for her, “You’re still bothered by what Fellig told you?”  Scully turned to look at me with an arched eyebrow.

“Well, wouldn’t you?  During my cancer, I thought to myself that I was counting down the sunsets, each sunrise bringing me closer to my end.”  She started fidgeting in her seat, clenching and unclenching the bag of sunflower seeds still in her hands, before turning her head away to look out the window.

“Scully, don’t–” I managed to choke out, but she continued rambling.

“But then Fellig told me to close my eyes and not face Death; he took my place instead.  Would this mean I’d be seeing countless sunrises and sunsets wishing my life could end as he did?  Watching loved ones pass away, unable to join them in this lifetime, or the next?  Had my life become an endless loop?  An endless, meaningless loop?”  She tossed the bag haphazardly back into the middle console, spilling some seeds in the process.  

I shook my head, my hands gripped tightly on the wheel, my throat felt constricted, “Don’t think like that, Scully. I’d rather you view infinite sunrises than wither away from a deadly disease.  And don’t give me that mumbo jumbo crap like when we were camping in Florida about giving death meaning.  I was too shell-shocked to argue with you about existentialism then.”

“Camping? Was that how you viewed our precarious detour?”  The tone in her voice emitted levity, and I relaxed slightly not realizing my jaw was clenched during this lovely discussion about her living.

“And your life isn’t meaningless, Scully.  It’s anything but meaningless,” I told her gruffly. I heard her draw in a breath, then raggedly let it out, a four-count exercise.  

“We’re in this journey together, Scully.  I know our time spent in cars deviate from your definition of a normal life, but I meant what I said during that fucked-up case in Home.  I wouldn’t mind settling in a slice of small-town Americana after my time in the FBI is over.” _With you_ , a fleeting thought, a yearning that I keep under wraps.  That I dare not speak aloud.  Scully turned her head to look at me with a thoughtful expression on her face. Before she could respond, my cell phone started ringing in my breast coat pocket.  I took it out and quickly glanced at the caller ID: Diana.  I silenced the phone, letting Diana’s call go to voicemail.  

“Who is it?” Scully asked curiously.  

“It’s Diana,” I answered, and the mood in the car suddenly shifted, that silence I couldn’t describe earlier now rearing its ugly head, blanketing us.  I didn’t get a chance to put away my cell phone when it started ringing again, the sharp trill cutting through the tense quiet.

“Are you going to answer that?” Scully finally asked, her voice sounding cold and indifferent as she stared straight ahead.  She leaned back on her seat, wincing a little from her abdomen recovering from the gunshot wound.

“No,” I answered simply.  Could we just go back to the moment before the phone call?  The phone rang a third time. Fuck.  Just leave a message, Diana.

“Just answer it, Mulder,” Scully said quietly with half-hooded eyes still looking straight ahead.  “It must be important for her to continue calling.”  

I remained silent as I focused my attention on the road not bothering to send the call to voicemail.  

“Pull over,” Scully said, and then more urgently, “Mulder, pull over!”  

I abruptly pulled to the side of the highway cursing under my breath. I’m not at a complete stop, yet Scully had already unbuckled and opened her passenger car door. “What the hell, Scully?!”  

“I’m giving you some privacy. That’s why you’re not answering her, right?” She didn’t wait for my response as she stepped out of the car and walked a few yards away towards a clearing.  I scrambled quickly, unbuckling my seat belt to exit the car to go after her, but the phone rang as I was about to shut the car door.

“Mulder,” I answered harshly. I started to chew on my bottom lip half-hoping I’d draw blood.

“Fox? It’s me,” Diana said, “I need to talk to you.”

I scratched an itch above my right brow with my thumb. “What’s it about?”

“We received word that Cassandra Spender has been located in a train car heading into Virginia.”  

Cassandra Spender.  It had been months since we last saw her, Scully being the last one on the bridge.  My hands started to get clammy, my mouth dry as I looked up to see Scully’s profile, arms crossed staring out beyond the clearing before I turned away to stare at the stretch of highway behind me. “Alright.”

“Alright? Fox, this is our chance to talk to her.”

“Our chance?” I scoffed, “Last time I checked, you and Agent Spender run the show.  I’m sure he and his mother have a lot of catching up to do.”  There was a pregnant pause on her end of the line.  

“What happened to seeking answers about the truth? About your sister?”

I chewed on my bottom lip again.  Memories of the Ruskin Dam resurfaced; the helplessness and dread I felt as I searched for Scully’s body in the burnt masses. The damn chip I stole served as her salvation but could lead to her destruction.  I couldn’t risk her. _It’s not worth it_.

“Is it because of Agent Scully?” Diana asked.  I realized I said last my thought out loud.  “How is she doing?  I heard she was shot while on assignment?”

“She’s recovering well.  Very well, actually.”  I turned around to look at Scully and smiled weakly at her poised profile, my right hand gripping the top edge of the car door.  As if she knew she was the topic of conversation, Scully turned her head to look at me, her expression grim, her eyes resigned before returning her gaze across the clearing.    “I gotta run, Diana.  We’re on assignment to interrogate a potential domestic terrorist.  Good luck with Cassandra.”  

I hung up on Diana, then finally closed my car door to head towards Scully.  She kept her eyes on the scenery before her, and I could see why once I came near.  The town of Frostburg looked picturesque among the trees in the early spring weather.  The steepled brick buildings contrasting with a mixture of yellow, flowering trees and evergreens.  

“I wonder what this town looks like at sunset,” Scully said quietly.  She absentmindedly started rubbing her hands along her arms for warmth against the morning spring chill, her coat left in the backseat of the car during her haste to exit.

“I’ll drive us back here to watch,” I offered, words rushed out quickly to make amends for the interruption.  I reached out and touched her right elbow with the knuckles of my left hand causing Scully to look up at me with a distant look in her eyes until they came into focus.  She shook her head taking a step back.  

“No, you don’t need to do that.”  She sounded confused, her eyes still locked on mine.

“But I wa—“

“Just stop, Mulder,” Scully sighed,  her gaze averted towards the car, “Daylight’s burning and I would like for us to finish the interrogation in time to beat the rush hour traffic heading back into DC.”

I clenched my jaw, frustrated that the moment in the car was lost.  That my gesture was denied.  I lashed out the only way I knew how.  With a challenging tone laced in my voice, “Are you going to ask what Diana called me about?”

“No,” she answered coolly, “I value your privacy.” I was at a loss for words as I watched Scully return to the car.    


End file.
